one weekend in sweden - it changed our life...
Dec. 1st, 31mm... Dec. 10th, 40mm... and still growing
I am so happy and can not describe in words what I feel, I am the most happy and proud person on this planet, my beautiful princess and I - we are getting our fruit of love, we are becoming parents...
Therese, you are so special and I am so happy that I met you, your smile, the shining in your eyes, the taste of your lips, the smell of your hair and the softness of your skin... what have I done to be honoured in sharing the rest of our life together?
And i cant wait until the summer to see our baby lying in your arms and competing with your charm and smile... I love my little family...
Monday, December 13, 2010
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Long weekend - lot of thoughts - lot of love
She is just away for 4 days but this is kind of a proof if I really love her or not... i do love her... really, she is in my mind and my soul... i miss her grey-blue eyes in the morning when i wake up and she is lying in my arms, I miss her soft lips giving me a good morning kiss as she gives me a kiss before we fall asleep, I miss her body lying half on my, the soft breeze of her nose on my neck...
It went quite fast but it is like beeing with her since a long time, I feel so happy with her and it is like having found "home" now...
There are only two thing that I do not want to think now... one is that we have to take a decision soon what to do as time is passing so fast - too fast... the other thing is that too many people get involved in topics that are not their business at all, why are they so jealous under the so called smoke screen of "protecting an innocent little girl"...
Baby - I do not know when I am ready to share this site with you as it gives you so deep insight into my past and how I felt but you are someone very special to me and I really do not want to loose you... I could not think that a wonderful thing like this could happen to me like what I can share with you at the moment and I hope that we can keep this as long as possible... I will do all I can to keep this going on...
I love you so much... I would like to share much more with you but I do not want to overrun you with my feelings... Baby - hope that you feel the same...
It went quite fast but it is like beeing with her since a long time, I feel so happy with her and it is like having found "home" now...
There are only two thing that I do not want to think now... one is that we have to take a decision soon what to do as time is passing so fast - too fast... the other thing is that too many people get involved in topics that are not their business at all, why are they so jealous under the so called smoke screen of "protecting an innocent little girl"...
Baby - I do not know when I am ready to share this site with you as it gives you so deep insight into my past and how I felt but you are someone very special to me and I really do not want to loose you... I could not think that a wonderful thing like this could happen to me like what I can share with you at the moment and I hope that we can keep this as long as possible... I will do all I can to keep this going on...
I love you so much... I would like to share much more with you but I do not want to overrun you with my feelings... Baby - hope that you feel the same...
Monday, August 23, 2010
Monday, July 26, 2010
Life can be so much different...
I thought never that I could feel so much for someone very special again but it did happen. She is cute, shy and give so much feelings and energy back... and the most important thing is - I stopped missing my ex-wife...
Even beeing in love again I am still concerned about what if... so still thinking with my head and not letting my heart decide even when sometimes it is difficult not to listen...
Either this will be a nice time or it could become more than it seems to be... it's all about Kismet... someone has decided what should happen to me and I believe in this...
But first comes a vacation, all booked and spending a beautiful time with her to start a new period in her and my life... Bodrum - hopefully this time a place to remember with much more positive then negative memories...
I really would like to say that I love you so much... but need to be sure not to get burnt again...
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Why...
What forced you really to give this up... I thought I would have come over this but still it hurts and whenever I look at these it starts again... teardrops feel like little knives that cut my heart in slices and make me feel bad... why did I ever got introduced to you... to feel what i have to feel now?
You have made a wreck out of me...
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
still no way out of the dark....?
it has been now 4,5 month since she left and I thought it would have been enough time to forget and come over that but actually it is still hurting to see pictures of her or hear different things about her...
I have met a very nice, kind and insightful person who understood my situation, she even made me lough and feel good and also made me become a golfer ... something my ex-wife could not kick off ... but I behaved very bad... why... maybe I got too much of "care", is it that I challenge everyone with her - still - but why... I have just stepped out of this and this in a very unprofessional way...
sometimes I would like to kill myself for this behaviour but what for... it is so unfair...
Will I ever know what I am really looking for?
Will I ever allow someone to come such close to me again?
Will I always be afraid of beeing hurt in such a way again?
Question but no answers... hiding in work and travelling like hell is helping to distract from the truth but it helps at least a bit to survive... I wish I could get known to someone whom I can fell trust, honesty and love with again...
I have met a very nice, kind and insightful person who understood my situation, she even made me lough and feel good and also made me become a golfer ... something my ex-wife could not kick off ... but I behaved very bad... why... maybe I got too much of "care", is it that I challenge everyone with her - still - but why... I have just stepped out of this and this in a very unprofessional way...
sometimes I would like to kill myself for this behaviour but what for... it is so unfair...
Will I ever know what I am really looking for?
Will I ever allow someone to come such close to me again?
Will I always be afraid of beeing hurt in such a way again?
Question but no answers... hiding in work and travelling like hell is helping to distract from the truth but it helps at least a bit to survive... I wish I could get known to someone whom I can fell trust, honesty and love with again...
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Air to breeze, Light to see, Sun to live...
why is it so difficult to forget... thought it would be easier and time would help but it isn't...
As an experienced manager you learn how to manage, how to delegate, how to influence, how to listen and how to motivate and steer others... but do we learn also how to manage "the" human beeing when it comes to emotions and feelings?
I would say clearly "NO" - as this is something where we do not usually want to challenge ourselves with, emotions and feelings are something that you try to hide in our business environment as they make you probably vulnerable and this is usually seen as a disadvantage - so we hide this side of our personal life.
I thought it would be over already but it isn't - now hiding behind lots of work, extensive travelling, going out and scatter yourself... but then suddenly some music, some news, some pictures, some places or even some people make you to think about the past and your heart gets that pressure and you cant gulp or breathe anymore...
What or who will make that gonna change... Ms Perfect...? I have made up my mind (at least I hope so now) that I wont accept any compromise at this stage after what happened - even if this sounds very selfish but why should I ... sorry for all those whom I insult with this behaviour.
As an experienced manager you learn how to manage, how to delegate, how to influence, how to listen and how to motivate and steer others... but do we learn also how to manage "the" human beeing when it comes to emotions and feelings?
I would say clearly "NO" - as this is something where we do not usually want to challenge ourselves with, emotions and feelings are something that you try to hide in our business environment as they make you probably vulnerable and this is usually seen as a disadvantage - so we hide this side of our personal life.
I thought it would be over already but it isn't - now hiding behind lots of work, extensive travelling, going out and scatter yourself... but then suddenly some music, some news, some pictures, some places or even some people make you to think about the past and your heart gets that pressure and you cant gulp or breathe anymore...
What or who will make that gonna change... Ms Perfect...? I have made up my mind (at least I hope so now) that I wont accept any compromise at this stage after what happened - even if this sounds very selfish but why should I ... sorry for all those whom I insult with this behaviour.
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