Why...

What forced you really to give this up... I thought I would have come over this but still it hurts and whenever I look at these it starts again... teardrops feel like little knives that cut my heart in slices and make me feel bad... why did I ever got introduced to you... to feel what i have to feel now?

You have made a wreck out of me...

still no way out of the dark....?

it has been now 4,5 month since she left and I thought it would have been enough time to forget and come over that but actually it is still hurting to see pictures of her or hear different things about her...

I have met a very nice, kind and insightful person who understood my situation, she even made me lough and feel good and also made me become a golfer ... something my ex-wife could not kick off ... but I behaved very bad... why... maybe I got too much of "care", is it that I challenge everyone with her - still - but why... I have just stepped out of this and this in a very unprofessional way...

sometimes I would like to kill myself for this behaviour but what for... it is so unfair...

Will I ever know what I am really looking for?
Will I ever allow someone to come such close to me again?
Will I always be afraid of beeing hurt in such a way again?

Question but no answers... hiding in work and travelling like hell is helping to distract from the truth but it helps at least a bit to survive... I wish I could get known to someone whom I can fell trust, honesty and love with again...

Air to breeze, Light to see, Sun to live...

why is it so difficult to forget... thought it would be easier and time would help but it isn't...

As an experienced manager you learn how to manage, how to delegate, how to influence, how to listen and how to motivate and steer others... but do we learn also how to manage "the" human beeing when it comes to emotions and feelings?

I would say clearly "NO" - as this is something where we do not usually want to challenge ourselves with, emotions and feelings are something that you try to hide in our business environment as they make you probably vulnerable and this is usually seen as a disadvantage - so we hide this side of our personal life.

I thought it would be over already but it isn't - now hiding behind lots of work, extensive travelling, going out and scatter yourself... but then suddenly some music, some news, some pictures, some places or even some people make you to think about the past and your heart gets that pressure and you cant gulp or breathe anymore...

What or who will make that gonna change... Ms Perfect...? I have made up my mind (at least I hope so now) that I wont accept any compromise at this stage after what happened - even if this sounds very selfish but why should I ... sorry for all those whom I insult with this behaviour.

10 minutes...

today was the expected day... just came back from court and it took only 10 minutes to get divorced...

Sometimes it takes month until you can be sure that a shy first attempt will end up in a long term relationship... then you get married but even for taking such a decision you take a looooong time - in my case almost 10 years - and then suddenly "booomm", something happens, not expected, not predictable, not controllable...

at the end no more words about this anymore ...

To take some of Michael Bublés words... "...there is a new day, there is a new life..."

Now managing a new life, 2 jobs at the moment in parallel, beeing a single can be difficult sometimes, very funny, very sexy and much much more...

Let's see where this new life will bring me...

Cheers!

H-S-D > High Speed Divorce...

YES - it can go pretty much fast, if you really want it (she). I got the invite from the court to show up on Feb. 15th - will take 30 minutes... impressed how fast you can get divorced in this country (within 5 weeks everything completed).

This weekend is the "boxing" day, a bit different than in the UK, as this is not unpacking presents - its more packing stuff and moving out - she, not me.

Its getting cooler every day a bit more, the first calls after she left were still somehow nice but now its more and more like talking to someone you do not like anymore and the tone is getting tougher day by day.

On the other side, I am getting a bit under stress now - is it because I am looking for that or is it because I was not able to manage my own life in the past as someone managed every free minute after work. Meeting, Dining, Dating, Chatting, Working - all makes much more fun now.

I have to take care that I do not get exhausted too quick - but it really makes fun now.

After Tuesday next week there will not be any personal memory left in my flat from her and this is the day to start a new life. I will have Dinner with friends and have some fun, I will blow up with some little bombs the top part of the weeding cake that I kept in the deep freeze since 070707 - that will make some fun I guess...

Coming back when I got some good news...

The end of something that started with so much love...

Today the official documents were handed in from her (at least I trust she did)... now I am waiting until I get the invitation for the hearing at the court. This will then be the last step of a long story with lot's of nice memories in the first 11,5 years. But for my own sake i should forget these and just look forward.

Now trying to get a new flat which would better serve my needs and would save some unnecessary expenses even I got in love with this flat. But you can never have all you want if you have external factors that are out of your control.

Moving to Geneva is something that I do not really prefer but you never know - at the moment I just want to live my life to full extend.

I was not aware of all the beauties around me, everyone introducing someone to me in these days, which makes me happy to be honest but taking a decision is not that easy - I think I am not ready to take a decision yet but I will spend my time with some of them until I am pretty sure...

By the way, if anyone knows someone who has a proper sized flat of about 80-100m², 2 -3 rooms (living room should be connected to kitchen and of 35m² at least), bedroom and maybe a small office/guestroom and ideally with a terrace for a max. rent of 1.200 - post me a message!

I wish you all the best, take care in the meantime until I get back with some better news...

So - continuing the story about relationships...

as it happens in 98% of the cases, when she asks for an off-time and leaves "home", she never comes back again - which is now proven again...

Women hide a long time and take actions once they have made up their own mind, and this can be already a long time ago and you not even have a clue about this. None of your friends (exceptions are for sure there; but they do not interfere in a positive way) sees or feels something and it get's even worse - you yourself do not see what is happening right in front of you. This is not because you are so stupid or blind due to real love (?) it's more that she has learned in the meantime to play a perfect role towards husband, family and friends.

But as also in 90% of the cases, they run from one relationship directly in a new one which seems to be the perfect solution but these do not last for long. Daily routines that you were used to turn out to be much more difficult to continue in the new one, likes and dislikes turn out a bit too late, and once this ends up in a way where you think it was not the right decision afterwards you start thinking of the past.

And then - this is the time when she falls into the depression and starts asking herself "WHY". If she can answer herself this question it might help but it will be too late. Too much broken, too much lost, too much happend ... it's nothing where glue helps...

Now I am looking forward and try to sort out my own life - look for a new flat, new adventures, new friends on top of the ones who stayed with me and who knows - there are some many nice girls who have great personality, are beautiful, persons on whom you can rely on... I do only need to learn again to trust - thats a big challenge.

And - if you need tips to save your relationship - first be sure that she has not already started a parallel new life with someone new - there are a few things to consider and follow (hard stuff but this will help in 75% of the cases I assume), I am here to help you.

And for those who are still in a relationship - talk to each other, love yourself and her/him, and never forget why you fell together in love...

Take care!