Ignorance and non-caring...

She is coming even tough of stress and a lot of work with happiness home. Similar to the period before I figured out she was cheating on me. Does it happen again, after a short break and checking if things (or I) calm down...?

She talks a lot about work when she comes home but not really much about herself and more importantly "us". She does not see - or does not want to see - how sad I am actually and also is not caring enough to try to dig deeper and touch rock-bottom with me. I see this as ignorance.

Another example to show why I say "non caring" happened just a few minutes back. Last year I planted with my own hand new grass. Some spots did not get green and for the third time I am re-focusing on those areas. Last thing was now that I bought so called "grass pads" and put them there. I am watering them twice a day and hope that it will cover that soil in a few weeks with green grass.
Guess what she did on purpose: When I said please be careful there and don't put the kids wind-mills into that spot she scratched that surface with the stick - such as saying "I hear what you say but I don't care at all", I hit her with that stick on her pants. I should have not done that but why is she being so ignorant and provoking me in such a way?

Whenever I see her these days I see her with him together, how he is kissing her, holding her in his arms, how he undressed her in that hotel room, how he put his parts all over and in her. It's just so disgusting to realize that the person you loved spent her so cheaply with that guy.

The more I think and reflect and the level of current attention including absolutely no personal touching at intimate parts, and "sex - what is that?", the more I loose the interest in her.

It's just so difficult to manage all at the same time now: Kids, getting own business set up or find job, pay almost all bills (yes, household and fixed costs mainly paid by myself; she says sometimes she needs to pay now - but it stays with that statement only, no actions at all). Breaking up and managing also that on top of the shit I have plus my health issues are putting me on the edge of what I can digest at the moment.

What should I do?

Some interesting statements from the pope which I think make sense and they are also kind of a useful guide for those who seem to have trouble or believe they have trouble in their relationship

http://www.npr.org/sections/thetwo-way/2016/04/08/473494133/some-relationship-advice-from-pope-francis?utm_content=buffer6ad7a&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_campaign=buffer

This is not the midlife crisis I would have expected...

Has been a long time since I posted here but as I feel pretty shit at the moment I see certain things happening again like it happened with Katharina.

I took too much care and did not see that beeing taken care of can have different reactions on the other side. I worked hard to have this life, to be the "selfmade" guy but what I have missed was to look in detail on what's going on with her. But I dont think it is right to blame myself for all as I did not change that much. Yes, I got more quiet, less parties, less messing around, more family, more countryside and more daddy.

I could not see that she was starting to live a separate life and when certain behaviours got my attention it was way too late. I was beeing lied to, was betrayed and treated like an idiot.

I dont think I would have done what I did if there were no kids around but I do also have learned from the padt. However, I am doing things that go way beyond my core feelings and I do those things because I think it is important and I do not want to say one day " I did not try enough". On the other side I do see so less and get back just little signs but beeing someone with emotions and feelings it is not enough. I heard and read that it will take time but I am not sure that I have this energy to survive as it's tearing me apart and she simply does not see it as she is busy with work, with colleagues, with kids and her own life. I feel like a passenger on a long haul flight who booked the eco seats and cannot change the programme on the TV. Should I just jump out and bring it to an end... an end that will hurt me and that will hurt much more my kids? Kids... having gone through this I catch myself asking me if O is even my son or is he somebodies son? With her having done that to me I do not feel safe to trust and question everything now.

What shall I do?

1 + 1 = 3

one weekend in sweden - it changed our life...

Dec. 1st, 31mm... Dec. 10th, 40mm... and still growing

I am so happy and can not describe in words what I feel, I am the most happy and proud person on this planet, my beautiful princess and I - we are getting our fruit of love, we are becoming parents...

Therese, you are so special and I am so happy that I met you, your smile, the shining in your eyes, the taste of your lips, the smell of your hair and the softness of your skin... what have I done to be honoured in sharing the rest of our life together?

And i cant wait until the summer to see our baby lying in your arms and competing with your charm and smile... I love my little family...

Long weekend - lot of thoughts - lot of love

She is just away for 4 days but this is kind of a proof if I really love her or not... i do love her... really, she is in my mind and my soul... i miss her grey-blue eyes in the morning when i wake up and she is lying in my arms, I miss her soft lips giving me a good morning kiss as she gives me a kiss before we fall asleep, I miss her body lying half on my, the soft breeze of her nose on my neck...

It went quite fast but it is like beeing with her since a long time, I feel so happy with her and it is like having found "home" now...

There are only two thing that I do not want to think now... one is that we have to take a decision soon what to do as time is passing so fast - too fast... the other thing is that too many people get involved in topics that are not their business at all, why are they so jealous under the so called smoke screen of "protecting an innocent little girl"...

Baby - I do not know when I am ready to share this site with you as it gives you so deep insight into my past and how I felt but you are someone very special to me and I really do not want to loose you... I could not think that a wonderful thing like this could happen to me like what I can share with you at the moment and I hope that we can keep this as long as possible... I will do all I can to keep this going on...

I love you so much... I would like to share much more with you but I do not want to overrun you with my feelings... Baby - hope that you feel the same...

my sweet secret...

... back from a fantastic vacation and fallen totally in love ...

Life can be so much different...

I thought never that I could feel so much for someone very special again but it did happen. She is cute, shy and give so much feelings and energy back... and the most important thing is - I stopped missing my ex-wife...

Even beeing in love again I am still concerned about what if... so still thinking with my head and not letting my heart decide even when sometimes it is difficult not to listen...

Either this will be a nice time or it could become more than it seems to be... it's all about Kismet... someone has decided what should happen to me and I believe in this...

But first comes a vacation, all booked and spending a beautiful time with her to start a new period in her and my life... Bodrum - hopefully this time a place to remember with much more positive then negative memories...

I really would like to say that I love you so much... but need to be sure not to get burnt again...

Why...

What forced you really to give this up... I thought I would have come over this but still it hurts and whenever I look at these it starts again... teardrops feel like little knives that cut my heart in slices and make me feel bad... why did I ever got introduced to you... to feel what i have to feel now?

You have made a wreck out of me...

still no way out of the dark....?

it has been now 4,5 month since she left and I thought it would have been enough time to forget and come over that but actually it is still hurting to see pictures of her or hear different things about her...

I have met a very nice, kind and insightful person who understood my situation, she even made me lough and feel good and also made me become a golfer ... something my ex-wife could not kick off ... but I behaved very bad... why... maybe I got too much of "care", is it that I challenge everyone with her - still - but why... I have just stepped out of this and this in a very unprofessional way...

sometimes I would like to kill myself for this behaviour but what for... it is so unfair...

Will I ever know what I am really looking for?
Will I ever allow someone to come such close to me again?
Will I always be afraid of beeing hurt in such a way again?

Question but no answers... hiding in work and travelling like hell is helping to distract from the truth but it helps at least a bit to survive... I wish I could get known to someone whom I can fell trust, honesty and love with again...

Air to breeze, Light to see, Sun to live...

why is it so difficult to forget... thought it would be easier and time would help but it isn't...

As an experienced manager you learn how to manage, how to delegate, how to influence, how to listen and how to motivate and steer others... but do we learn also how to manage "the" human beeing when it comes to emotions and feelings?

I would say clearly "NO" - as this is something where we do not usually want to challenge ourselves with, emotions and feelings are something that you try to hide in our business environment as they make you probably vulnerable and this is usually seen as a disadvantage - so we hide this side of our personal life.

I thought it would be over already but it isn't - now hiding behind lots of work, extensive travelling, going out and scatter yourself... but then suddenly some music, some news, some pictures, some places or even some people make you to think about the past and your heart gets that pressure and you cant gulp or breathe anymore...

What or who will make that gonna change... Ms Perfect...? I have made up my mind (at least I hope so now) that I wont accept any compromise at this stage after what happened - even if this sounds very selfish but why should I ... sorry for all those whom I insult with this behaviour.

10 minutes...

today was the expected day... just came back from court and it took only 10 minutes to get divorced...

Sometimes it takes month until you can be sure that a shy first attempt will end up in a long term relationship... then you get married but even for taking such a decision you take a looooong time - in my case almost 10 years - and then suddenly "booomm", something happens, not expected, not predictable, not controllable...

at the end no more words about this anymore ...

To take some of Michael Bublés words... "...there is a new day, there is a new life..."

Now managing a new life, 2 jobs at the moment in parallel, beeing a single can be difficult sometimes, very funny, very sexy and much much more...

Let's see where this new life will bring me...

Cheers!

H-S-D > High Speed Divorce...

YES - it can go pretty much fast, if you really want it (she). I got the invite from the court to show up on Feb. 15th - will take 30 minutes... impressed how fast you can get divorced in this country (within 5 weeks everything completed).

This weekend is the "boxing" day, a bit different than in the UK, as this is not unpacking presents - its more packing stuff and moving out - she, not me.

Its getting cooler every day a bit more, the first calls after she left were still somehow nice but now its more and more like talking to someone you do not like anymore and the tone is getting tougher day by day.

On the other side, I am getting a bit under stress now - is it because I am looking for that or is it because I was not able to manage my own life in the past as someone managed every free minute after work. Meeting, Dining, Dating, Chatting, Working - all makes much more fun now.

I have to take care that I do not get exhausted too quick - but it really makes fun now.

After Tuesday next week there will not be any personal memory left in my flat from her and this is the day to start a new life. I will have Dinner with friends and have some fun, I will blow up with some little bombs the top part of the weeding cake that I kept in the deep freeze since 070707 - that will make some fun I guess...

Coming back when I got some good news...

The end of something that started with so much love...

Today the official documents were handed in from her (at least I trust she did)... now I am waiting until I get the invitation for the hearing at the court. This will then be the last step of a long story with lot's of nice memories in the first 11,5 years. But for my own sake i should forget these and just look forward.

Now trying to get a new flat which would better serve my needs and would save some unnecessary expenses even I got in love with this flat. But you can never have all you want if you have external factors that are out of your control.

Moving to Geneva is something that I do not really prefer but you never know - at the moment I just want to live my life to full extend.

I was not aware of all the beauties around me, everyone introducing someone to me in these days, which makes me happy to be honest but taking a decision is not that easy - I think I am not ready to take a decision yet but I will spend my time with some of them until I am pretty sure...

By the way, if anyone knows someone who has a proper sized flat of about 80-100m², 2 -3 rooms (living room should be connected to kitchen and of 35m² at least), bedroom and maybe a small office/guestroom and ideally with a terrace for a max. rent of 1.200 - post me a message!

I wish you all the best, take care in the meantime until I get back with some better news...

So - continuing the story about relationships...

as it happens in 98% of the cases, when she asks for an off-time and leaves "home", she never comes back again - which is now proven again...

Women hide a long time and take actions once they have made up their own mind, and this can be already a long time ago and you not even have a clue about this. None of your friends (exceptions are for sure there; but they do not interfere in a positive way) sees or feels something and it get's even worse - you yourself do not see what is happening right in front of you. This is not because you are so stupid or blind due to real love (?) it's more that she has learned in the meantime to play a perfect role towards husband, family and friends.

But as also in 90% of the cases, they run from one relationship directly in a new one which seems to be the perfect solution but these do not last for long. Daily routines that you were used to turn out to be much more difficult to continue in the new one, likes and dislikes turn out a bit too late, and once this ends up in a way where you think it was not the right decision afterwards you start thinking of the past.

And then - this is the time when she falls into the depression and starts asking herself "WHY". If she can answer herself this question it might help but it will be too late. Too much broken, too much lost, too much happend ... it's nothing where glue helps...

Now I am looking forward and try to sort out my own life - look for a new flat, new adventures, new friends on top of the ones who stayed with me and who knows - there are some many nice girls who have great personality, are beautiful, persons on whom you can rely on... I do only need to learn again to trust - thats a big challenge.

And - if you need tips to save your relationship - first be sure that she has not already started a parallel new life with someone new - there are a few things to consider and follow (hard stuff but this will help in 75% of the cases I assume), I am here to help you.

And for those who are still in a relationship - talk to each other, love yourself and her/him, and never forget why you fell together in love...

Take care!

Why do relationships break?

It has been now more than 12 years that I know my wife, we married 2,5 years ago. Now since Thursday night 10th Dec. it seems to be over...

Can you imagine that a person you seemed to knew very well turns out beeing someone you have never known... I thought that this could have never happened to me but it did.

As I am reacting more rational and not emotional I tried to understand the reasons and asked her for a fair discussion - which we had but during that discussion I made an error and tried to discuss and pick up the arguments, qualify and give proper answers to them or at least to understand who did something wrong with this - this was absolutely wrong.

You never get through to someone with such an approach as that person has taken an emotional decision based on butterflies she currently has (regardless why) but she is already on a train not knowing if there will be service on board, if the compartments are comfortable, if there are any stops inbetween, if the final destination will be the destination she wanted to go to - I am trying to reach that train but it seems that I am loosing speed now as there seems almost no chance to reach it now.

I also gave the critisism some further thinking and came to the conclusion that most of the raised so called "facts" were just excuses to hide herself from the real reasons - and here I have serious doubts if she is not hiding herself from some other serious problems.

I decided not to run after her, will wait but not for ever.

TÜRKBÜKÜ

This year we have decided to have also during vacation a couple of days without family at the turkish Saint-Tropez which is called Türkbükü (yes - a lot of "Ü's" in this word...).
This is a coast on the northern side of the Bodrum peninsula and is "the place to be" if you want to see and to be seen.
Almost all international stars and starlets have been there.

I will update you later on where to go there. We stay at the Divan Palmira Beach and will definitely visit some of the hot spots like Maki Beach, Nana Beach, Maca Kizi Beach, Bianca Beach,...

Summer Vacation 2009 - Turkey Gazipasa

This year we will go "again" for our summer vacation to Turkey. As always we will go and visit my parents in Gazipasa which is a small town with 20.000 inhabitants at the south-east corner on the mediterranean coast in the Antalya region. Small but with high potential as we have now a small airport which has a landing strip of 1.850m (will be extended to 2.400m until end of 2009).

Also the construction work for a big harbour is on the way (see picture on the right). My personal intention is to do there something tourism related as soon as the first international charter flights operate to Gazipasa and when the first big yachts come and stay in our harbour.

I am thinking of a small, nice, fancy hotspot for a limited number of visitors - serving excellent food, wine and perfect service.

Will keep you updated when we do our pre-opening...